Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
