fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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