i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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