He is an equal opportunity slut.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
