at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think i have two assholes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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