I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
did you just send me my own nude
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
