people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
