Me. At least after what I've been through.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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