Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
