I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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