honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
