Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize