this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize