I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
