come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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