mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
