At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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