I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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