I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
