She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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