I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
