I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
