so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
