i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
