I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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