I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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