loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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