I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
