Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
