I want to make a zoo with you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize