dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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