What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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