Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
