I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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