evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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