If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i think i just lost a toe
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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