Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize