I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
