i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
