they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
is wine microwaveable?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
