Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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