my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is the high leading the old right now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My life is pants optional.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
