I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
