Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize