next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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