finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
