Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize