i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize