The maid of honor just puked.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
