if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
