honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Enjoy the penises
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
