Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
