At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
