How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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