I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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