Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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