I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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