i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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