genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize