I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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