We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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