i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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