I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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