D3 body, D1 cock
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
