I will die if light touches me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
