The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He better not be in your backpack
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
