I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
