Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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