Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You did what with his pubic hair?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
