New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
