the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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