how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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