The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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